The pregnant nurse.

These days at the hospital, the very moment I walk into the patient's room with a cinched maternity scrub top and a bit of a waddle, it's as if I'm holding a sign that says, "Does anyone here have some baby advice to share? I'd love to hear!"

I've been collecting my patients' stellar advice for the past few weeks and thought I'd share it here. (By no means am I offended by any of this - most if it just makes me laugh, and sometimes shudder. My growing belly is definitely an easy conversation starter!)

"For a girl, you should name her Harriet. I've always loved that name. And for a boy, how about Frank? It's such a strong name."
"The baby's heartbeat is in the 140s? It's definitely a little girl. Boys would be in the 110s."
"The heart rate is in the 140s? It must be a boy. Girls are always higher."
"Wow, it looks like you've only gained weight in your belly! Well, and maybe your face."
"You definitely want a little boy. Girls are too much drama. You just wait for the teen years!"
"Babies are a gift from God and it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it's healthy." (This is one of the few comments I've actually responded to... because I've heard it So. Many. Times. I just politely say, "Well, even if it's not healthy, it's still such a gift and we will love and nurture it no matter what.")
"Are you really planning to work after the baby? Two kids is one thing, but three? Three is a whole different ballgame."
"You're carrying so high! It must be a little girl."
"Wow, you sure are carrying low. It's a boy."
"You're having your third? What are you trying to do, start a basketball team?!"
"You're only halfway there? You sure you aren't carrying twins?"
"You're 22 weeks? You're so tiny! Is the doctor concerned?"
"Oh, let someone else empty my urinal. You're pregnant! Go put your feet up."
And possibly the most disturbing advice of all... "Just make sure you have a C-section. My daughter walked into the hospital at 40 weeks pregnant and they asked her, 'Do you want a C-section?' And she said, 'Yes.' I kid you not, 45 minutes later the baby was out and bathed and being wheeled down the hall and my daughter didn't feel a bit of pain. She said to me, 'Ma! I can't feel anything from my neck down! It's amazing!' It's 2017, you know? You shouldn't have to be in pain just to have a baby."

So in case anyone asks (and they sometimes do):
I'm 22 weeks along. I'm measuring big, but I promise - it's not twins. We aren't finding out the gender, but if I had to guess, I think it's a boy because of the lower heart rate and the way I'm carrying. I'm craving sweets and citrus, just like I did with Liam. Yes, I'm planning to work after I give birth. Not only is it financially necessary but I love being a nurse, and I think it actually makes me a better mom. And whether or not it's healthy, this baby is a gift. We are so thankful He has blessed us with a third little life, and we are so excited!