Or maybe just trying to catch my breath.

It's what the past 6 weeks have felt like since I've gone back to work as a nurse. If life with two kids ages 2 and under wasn't harried enough, we've added 30+ hours per week at the hospital and juggling childcare.

With that said, though, it's what feels best for our family in this season. I'm working at a wonderful local hospital and am loving the work, the mental stimulation (adult conversation!), and especially the mom I get to be when I get home. I'm able to be fully engaged at work, fully engaged at home. On top of that, we only need childcare a few times a month, the kids are able to stay at our house, and most of the hours I miss with them they're asleep anyway (I work 3pm to 11pm). God knew exactly what we needed when he gave me this position. The only hard part is how exhausting it all is. Much less stressful than working from home, but even more tiring. Don't get me wrong: some moms of little ones are totally successful having their businesses at home. It's just not me. At least not in this season. Going back to work outside our home has actually relieved a lot of stress.

Of course there are hard moments. When Liam sees me walking down the stairs in my scrubs and cries, "Mommy not go to the hospital. Not help sick people anymore." Events I have to miss because, "Sorry, I'm working." Mostly, though, this transition has been such a gift.

Notes from Saturday.

On Saturday night, I drove through downtown Raleigh for what felt like an hour, hunting for an open coffee shop with an open seat. Shawn had lovingly pushed me out the door at the mention of wanting a place to think and write. After accidentally stepping into not one but two hookah lounges, I finally landed in a loud, somewhat scuzzy café on a local college campus. (Raleigh friends, tell me your secrets. Where can I find a quiet, classy coffee or tea shop close that's not bursting at the seams?)

I scanned the crowd and saw a couple of students with dark-rimmed glasses and philosophy books piled high. I spied a nervous couple at the end of their first (and possibly last) date. I watched a guy with a flawless Afro tap the table to the beat in his neon headphones.

I felt... mom-ish. Frumpy. With crumbs in the bottom of my purse and a spot of dried applesauce on my jeans, I felt past my coffee-shop prime. I used to be one of them, a coffee shop dweller who whiled away hours with a laptop and a latte, complaining about how insanely busy I was. Busy enough to sip lattes most nights, apparently.

But it didn't take me long to close my eyes and remember my day. Isn't that the key so often? Not pining for what seems like the greener grass, and taking account of what has so graciously been given to you?

Saturdays in the Newby house have been declared Family Day, and there's absolutely no work allowed. No Etsy convos to answer. No sewing. No distractions from the little things, which are really the big things.

Here's what's allowed: Waking up without an alarm. Watching a couple episodes of Curious George. Serving up apple cinnamon pancakes and steaming cups of tea. Opening the back door wide to let the fresh air blow the smell of grass through our house. Finding bikes on Craigslist and exploring the Greenway all afternoon. Tending our baby garden. Kneeling next to the bathtub, scrubbing the day's dirt from between toddler toes. Looking into my favorite green eyes. Admiring my favorite dimples.

Saturdays are about creating open space: to breathe, to think, to give thanks, to just enjoy one another for maybe the first time all week.

Had I seen my latte-sipping 21-year-old self across the coffee shop that night, I'm not sure I would have seen a girl quite so content as the 28-year-old with crumbs in her purse and applesauce on her jeans. The 21-year-old I remember was constantly waiting for something. Constantly impatient. Just ready to move onto the next season already, surviving the current season in angst.

This season is different, and in many ways, better. Perhaps less adventurous. Definitely less spontaneous. But as I looked back at Liam in his bike seat as he took in the passing landscape with wide eyes, I told Shawn, "He's totally content." As I said it, I realized, so am I. Contentment: it's the one puzzle piece that's been missing from my life for so very long. It doesn't mean that every moment - or even every day - is happy. Just yesterday, I sat through the funeral of a very young man who took his own life, and I felt more sadness than I've felt in months. There are moments of self pity, of stress, of frustration. There are days when the budget feels too tight, the workload feels too heavy, and the moments of happiness and ease are few and far between.  But the thread of contentment, of deep peace, is woven so deeply in my soul that even the rough days don't shake my core like they used to.

The difference is Christ. Knowing Him and loving Him deeper and fuller than I did 7 years ago, I can say that the journey with Him just gets sweeter with time. I know that my circumstances have not brought more peace - we probably have tighter margins with time and money than we ever have. Life hasn't gotten easier. My new roles as wife and mom, as so many dream to become, do not fulfill every deep desire and need I have. He brings peace. He brings joy. As I have tasted and have seen, apart from Him is no good thing.

Everything to me.

I scrolled through my weekend photos last night and couldn't help but pause and soak this one in for a while. It may not seem like much, but it's everything to me. They are everything to me.

Liam has finally chosen walking over crawling and is his happiest self outdoors. He'll hold his shoe in one hand and claw at the door with the other, whining, "'side? 'side?" until I can throw my hair up and look halfway presentable to the neighborhood and head outdoors. He knows all the hangout spots of his favorite neighborhood dogs, and drags us along until we stop by the fence and talk and pet. His face just glows. I adore being his mom.

Shawn has been working an incredible number of hours for our church's missions conference over the weekend, but even when he had only an hour off, he'd speed home to spend it with us. When he's home, he's fully engaged. I know that's not the easiest choice to make - and it's one I struggle with as I crave alone time - but it's a choice I appreciate more every day. Watching him gracefully navigate these new toddler days with Liam (where those delightful tantrums have just begun) is sometimes funny and mostly inspiring. I hope his patience wears off on me someday.

Our neighborhood is wooing me like never before, especially as the warm wind blows Spring into the air. This photo reveals one of our neighborhood's best qualities: its lack of garages. It means we get to see our neighbors every single day. Our neighborhood is just what we hoped it would be: racially and economically diverse, walkable, and just a stone's throw from the nearest park. We also landed the best neighbors around: they now fit the category of friends. Good friends. The house across the street just sold to a couple who will move in soon, and I'm afraid they don't know what they're in for... in the best possible way.

Our great adventure.

via Instagram @whitneynewby

Since Friday, we've had two major milestones on our journey to whatever this next season holds:
1. Shawn put in his two weeks notice.
2. We sold about half of our stuff.

Shawn leaving his job has been on our hearts and our prayer lists for months, so it wasn't a quick decision at all. We had just begun praying specifically about him being done at the end of May when we found out we had to be out of our house at the end of May, which actually felt really confirming. I mean, why not do it all at once? :) By June 1, we'll officially have no job and no house. And for some reason, we don't feel anxious about it at all. (More on that later.) Our main reason for him leaving his job is that our business is growing and thriving and I desperately need his help. But we also feel like there's another piece to the puzzle that even we aren't aware of yet. Still, it was a big step of faith to leave a consistent salary, great benefits, and a company car behind.

We also decided to sell lots of our stuff: furniture, baby things, home decor, and just the "stuff" that accumulates over time. We want to be as mobile as possible, without a lot that has to be moved. We set out to have a garage sale on Friday and Saturday. On Friday, it rained for the entire time, but we still had quite a bit of traffic. Saturday was much, much slower, and toward the last couple hours, I told Shawn we'd probably need to have another sale next weekend because we had so much left over. (Oh me of little faith!) Well, toward the end of the sale, we got quite a bit more traffic and things were selling left and right. A microwave, a TV, a large chair, some shelves... it was all finding new homes and we were so happy about it. We'd decided to end at 2:00pm, and right at 2:00, a lady came by and asked what price we could give her if she would buy everything that was left. Only God. We gave her a price, she paid us, we packed it up, and she hauled it off. Every single thing had sold. We sat there, stunned, praising the Lord that He had come through in such a miraculous way.

via Instagram @whitneynewby

We've felt the Lord's presence in these last few weeks more than ever. We know that this next season will (obviously) involve a move. Across town? Across the country? Across the ocean? We don't know. We pray it will involve living in a city, as that's where our hearts really are. We also know that this next season will involve our business, Brighter Day, and we are praying for wild success on that front.

Beyond that, we don't know. We're open to wherever the Lord may send us, and are thankful that we're in a place that requires so much faith that He will continue to lead us and provide for us. We're traveling light, ready to go wherever He opens doors.

Lately.

I feel somehow less put together and more beautiful than ever, even when it means leaking milk most of the time, no makeup until at least noon, and spit up on my shoulder everything. At the beginning of pregnancy, I wasn't sure this mom thing was for me. But today, I know the Lord has clearly called me to it and I adore being a mom much more than I expected I would. 

A failed attempt at a photo shoot with the things his Gigi made for him before we knew he was a boy!

I love the look on Liam's face when he gets the hiccups: pure surprise at every jolt. 

... our house at a time like this. It is peaceful, quiet, and beautiful, and when we're all up at odd hours through the night, we aren't bothering any neighbors. I couldn't ask for a better backdrop for these new baby days.

With Poppy, hanging in the studio. 

I cry at the drop of a hat (hello hormones + exhaustion)!

... whenever a hymn is sung.

... at sappy commercials and Christmas music.

... at Shawn going back to work and feeling overwhelmed. 

... when I'm so happy I can't stand it.

Getting work done for Brighter Day, here and there.

I can't wait for Christmas, and all that it entails. It will feel so different with a brand new little boy, and I can't wait. 

... to have a bit more of a predictable schedule when it comes to sleep.

... for Liam to meet Shawn's mom (coming from Germany) and brother and sister (coming from North Carolina) this weekend!

I'm thankful for a husband who doesn't complain when I wake him up for the 4am feeding because I just can't. stay. awake.

... a good sleeping baby, when he's full.

... grandparents just a few minutes away who help us so much.

... the privilege of two date nights with Shawn already! Much needed for all of us.

... meals delivered almost every other day since he was born (and still going!). What a gift.

... for good health, so much support, and sweet friends. We are so blessed.

 

This little guy of ours is so, so loved. I have a feeling he knows it.

Monday, Monday.

Source

It's Monday morning (well... afternoon, now) and I'm feeling it. Must be something about being 37+ weeks pregnant, a gorgeous fall day outside, and a long to-do list that's making it hard to get much done.

This first step thing is really true in my life. Is it true in yours, too? Once I just take that first step toward a goal, I feel like I'm halfway there. The rest comes a whole lot easier - it's just the motivation needed at the beginning that can be so tough for me.

... I have a million thank-you notes to write (a great problem!)... the first step is making sure my list is complete, and picking up that first notecard and pen.
... I have 14 more purses to make before the baby comes... the first step is making some tea, turning on my iron and iTunes, and getting going.
... I have quite a few ideas for Brighter Day that will only get come to life if I take that first step. I think you get the idea.

So here's to first steps, big and small. Hope you take a few on this beautiful Monday!

Friday Five.

Source

1. If I had quilting skills (someday!), I'd start with this one. I love the pattern and the colors so much. Really, I love everything in her shop.

2. I cannot wait for Fall! Our baby will be here in the Fall (well, actually, in less than 55 days), and there will be apple crisp and pumpkin spice and cool, crisp air. Tennessee does Fall really well. I'm ready.

3. I'm still adjusting to this diabetic diet - and testing my blood sugar all day long. It is not fun. At all. It's been the hardest part of this pregnancy by far. But if it's good for baby and for me, I'm up for it. Thankfully, I got a good report from my doctor this week that, based on my glucose records, I won't need medications but can keep it diet controlled for now. That's really great news. I am praying hard that it will all normalize after birth and I can have a glass of orange juice again. :)

4. Shawn and I attended our first birthing class last night! To say some parts were awkward is an understatement, but I'm excited to be gaining tools for natural birth and I know we're going to learn so much. I'll be posting about what kind of birthing we've chosen after Baby L is here, when we see how it all really worked out.

5. I've yet to make one single thing for the baby. It's hard to sit down and sew for him knowing I have 70 clutches to sew with brides buying more every day. I have made a Pinterest board, though! That's a start, right? On my list right now to make before he's born: a boppy cover, a stuffed animal, a sling or wrap of some kind, and a blanket to go over his carseat. Manageable?

Happy Friday, friends!

My life in bullet points.

30 weeks!

• Baby boy is growing! He measured perfectly at yesterday's appointment with the midwife, which is a relief when they've been scaring me with the gestational diabetes "he's-going-to-weigh-12-lbs." spiel. He got a little startled when he heard his own heartbeat over the fetal monitor and started kicking my rib, then got a mad case of hiccups. I love him already. :)

• Last night, I had an incredibly vivid dream that I gave birth to a cat. Well, a kitten, actually - and it scampered under the hospital bed and someone had to trap it and hand it to me to nurse. Pregnancy dreams can be a strange, strange thing.

• We're off to Atlanta for the weekend! We're seeing friends, training someone to do some sewing for Brighter Day (hallelujah!), and then spending a couple days by the lake. Cannot wait.

• Thanks for the jalapeño suggestions! I tripled Pioneer Woman's restaurant salsa recipe (which is SO yummy) and it made enough for an army. I'll be trying some of your other suggestions soon. They look delicious!

Hope you have a great weekend, friends!

Hello.

God's incredible art in our backyard this week.

If this week is typical of my life, I should rename my blog: "Whitney sews. All the time." Or maybe "Whitney tries (and fails) balancing all that's on her plate." That's a little what it's felt like. With orders coming in left and right (which I'm so thankful for) on top of working at the hospital, on top of keeping my house clean, on top of the Olympics (yeah!) etc. etc., I haven't balanced much very well lately. I woke up this morning with a nearly empty fridge, a craft room that looked like a tornado had gone through it, and a blog that hasn't been touched for almost a week. All that to say, I really can't complain. This busy season for Brighter Day is a complete blessing, and I would much rather be busy than bored. This weekend will be a time for much needed catch-up, and I'll be back to blogging next week!

Hope you have a restful, end of the summer weekend (can you believe it?!). Our plans include the Franklin Farmer's Market, a birthday party with friends, helping in the church nursery, painting some furniture, and our weekly date night. I'm so ready.

What made today great.

Let me just say, today was rough. Tummy pains from a growing, shifting baby throughout my entire 12-hour shift made it the day feel nearly impossible. But it's over now and we have a beautiful weekend with friends to look forward to.

With that said, here were my top three moments of the day: 

1. A 5:30am date with Shawn. With full time jobs and guests in town, there hasn't been much time for just the two of us. So we snuck out of our house this morning and left seven sleeping babies and their mom and jetted to Starbucks. The weather was perfect, the conversation sweet, and the barista seemed impressed with our efforts to spend time together so early in the morning. :) We headed our separate ways around 6:20 - Shawn to Chattanooga for work, me to the hospital - but our mini morning date was perfect.

2. Because we had guests leaving this morning and new guests arriving tonight (and work and travel in between), my mom graciously offered to clean our house. I told her it would be so helpful if she could just wash towels and sheets and vacuum, but she went waaaaay above and beyond and even our bathroom, kitchen, bedroom... the entire house... is cleaner than it's been in a very long time. I walked in after a crazy day to a perfectly clean house, complete with hydrangeas from her garden on our coffee table, and she couldn't have given us a more wonderful gift. Thank you, Mom. We love you.

3. My favorite patient today (if I'm allowed to have a favorite?) was an older lady who was so excited to see that I was pregnant that every time I entered her room, she had more questions about the baby. Boy or girl? Is it your first? How are you feeling? What's the name? Whenever I'd lean over her to take her vitals or give her IV medication, she would pat my belly and smile. Sweet thing. And then she'd tell her family members in the room all about Baby E, including his potential name, which most of our family and friends don't even know! Lesson learned: Be careful what you tell patients. They will tell everyone they meet. Nice. 

What was your favorite moment today? 

All I need.

Today is one for the books.
And if it's been quiet around here... well, here's why.
By the time I lay my head on my pillow tonight, I will have worked a total of 14 hours in two different hospitals.

It started with a clinical that I co-led (I know, what?!) for 8 hours, which began at 6:30am. I'm now in my 4-hour break, and I'll go back for what was supposed to be a 12 hour night shift in the NICU. But I asked for grace. Grace for it to only be 6 hours. And they were kind.

My Etsy shop has been so, so busy with new convos coming in at least 10 times a day. So busy that I've contemplated closing it down for the next month just to catch up (i.e. I have at least 80 purses to sew that have already been paid for... and that doesn't mix well with 14-hour days). I know it's stressful being a bride. I've been there. But to get several messages every day saying, "Just checking in to see how the bags are going!" stresses me out beyond belief. I'm a people pleaser through and through, and though I'm not even late delivering the bags, the fact that they could be disappointed in me makes me lose sleep.

I had a professor who once said, "Sometimes you just need to ask for a little grace." It stuck with me. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm in need of a whole lot of grace. Grace from God, first of all, because I am so not perfect. I get frustrated and overwhelmed and impatient and discontent at this over-the-top busy time in my life where people are pulling at me from every single direction. I need grace from you, too. "You" being everyone around me who is in my life. Maybe that comes in the form of a little less pulling, and accepting when I have to say "no" one more time. Maybe it comes in the form of praying for me... I would appreciate that more than you know.

Here's the thing, too. Sometimes "grace" comes with perspective. I need the perspective that wow, I am healthy and able enough to work 14 hours in one day. I feel gifted as a future nurse and am able to minister to people in their deepest times of need. What a privilege. And on top of it, I have been given a gift to design and sew purses that people enjoy, so much that they are in high demand. And not to even mention that I have a husband and family whom "supportive" does not even begin to describe. They are amazing.

I think these things as I remember one of my classmates who was in a near-fatal accident yesterday, who was supposed to graduate in May right alongside me and the 97 others, and may never wake up. I think of his sweet wife. I think of the patients I spent the last 8 hours with whose bodies are riddled with cancer and disease. And I must think, "Thank you, God." In these overwhelming-beyond-what-I-can-take moments, gratitude is really all I need.

Today, I...

spent the morning at an elementary school, shadowing a school nurse. I can definitely say being a school nurse is not my calling, but I was inspired by the woman I shadowed who was perfect for that role.  (P.S. - I wish I'd known as a 3rd grader how obvious it was to the school nurse if I was faking or not. Let me say... it's obvious.) :)

helped with eye exams for, oh, 60 Kindergarteners who were about the cutest things ever. I loved some of their super cute names, too: Trotter, Blaze, Eloise, Ina, Nelson.

ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Shawn. Rare and wonderful.

ran intervals around a field with Shawn, reminding me of my cross country days. My legs feel like jelly in the best way.

felt really overwhelmed with all that's on my to-do list. I feel like I'm getting through it, then I remember that one other thing I need to do. I'm not perfect and put way too much pressure on myself sometimes (lots of times).

sewed 9 purses.

got a text from my Dad who just landed in the USA from Cuba. Always a good feeling.

did some planning for our next sewing night! It's October 15th (mark your calendars!). I'll fill you in soon!

opened the windows to let the fall breeze in.

It's been a good, full day. 

What about yours?