First of all, your encouragement after the last post has been such a gift. Thank you. I was hesitant to share it with the world, but am so grateful for your kind, heartfelt responses.

I'm now a month out from the miscarriage, and I thought I'd share a few things that have helped me to heal both physically and mentally. Perhaps you or a friend is dealing with recovery even now. Maybe you'll file this away for the future. In any case, I hope it's helpful.

In the first week after the D&C, I just felt off. I'm not sure how else to describe it. I could cry at the drop of a hat, and my energy levels were so labile. I know that much of this was due to very expected hormone shifts - after all, they're the same hormones that kick in when you've just had a baby.

So to try to get back to my physical and emotional baseline, I started with Whole 30. Basically, it's a 30-day clean eating diet that acts as a reset for your body and mind. You can eat as many vegetables, fruits, meats, nuts and seeds, and healthy fats as you'd like. What it doesn't include - grains, dairy, sugar, soy, legumes - feels overwhelming at first. But it's only 30 days. You can do anything for 30 days! I didn't set out to lose weight on the diet, but just to feel better emotionally and mentally. I have about 9 more days to go, and feel really good as a result. My skin is clearer, my mind is sharper, and my energy levels are higher throughout the day. I can especially tell at the end of a 12-hour shift at the hospital that I'm not just a puddle on the floor, and that in itself is a miracle. If you want to find out more, read up on Whole30.com.

Essential oils. I have enjoyed dabbling in essential oils for the past year or two, using them to make homemade cleaning supplies and diffusing them in our home. But it wasn't until my sister's mother-in-law sent several samples of "emotional blends" that I was hooked. My main go-to has been to dab a couple drops of Balance on my wrists, and add a couples of Wild Orange. I take some deep breaths and inhale the scent from time to time and it makes me feel balanced and energized and lifts my mood. I also like to diffuse them in that combination. I may do another post on oils sometime soon... I never thought I'd jump on the oils bandwagon, but now there are about 5 or 6 oils that are part of our daily routine. We've really been helped by them.

Magnesium. Just after the miscarriage, I noticed a lot of anxiety. Specifically, I would break out in a cold sweat thinking about getting on a plane the following week with my daughter. I've flown all my life and have gotten a lot better about my fear of flying in the past few years, so this came somewhat out of the blue. Anyway, did you know that there's a connection between anxiety and magnesium deficiency? And did you know that most of us are deficient in magnesium? And experiencing stress causes you to lose even more magnesium? There are plenty of articles about magnesium deficiency and its relation to mental and physical health (I liked this one and this one, for starters). So I started taking a daily magnesium supplement (this one from Amazon) and my anxiety and stress level has truly calmed.

Please hear me say loud and clear that there's no healer like Jesus. Time spent with Him and in His Word is irreplaceable and unsurpassable and the only thing that will bring true healing. This post is mostly centered on the tangible, practical things that He has brought into my path to help bring that much needed healing.

How we're *trying* to stay healthy during cold & flu season.

Four years ago, I wrote this post on "how we're staying healthy during cold & flu season." Looking back on it now, it's obviously written pre-kids because, with little kids in the house, staying perpetually healthy often feels impossible. Liam is in some form of childcare with other toddlers at least 3 times a week and it's almost inevitable that he brings home a cold or virus every couple months and generously shares it with us. When we moved to Raleigh last year, it felt like one of us was sick every few weeks. So this year, we're taking action! Or at least trying. (I write this as Liam and I are, ironically, on the tail end of a cold.)

I've updated and expanded the info in my original post to include what we're doing with Liam, as well as what I hope to do in the future. 

1. Wash your hands with soap and water. In the antibacterial hand gel craze, this may not be so obvious. While hand sanitizer works well if you have no access to soap and water, and while it does kill most microbes, it doesn't physically destroy them and wash them away from the skin's surface like good old-fashioned soap and water does. Most hand sanitizers are composed of mostly alcohol (60-95%) which does destroy bacteria, but it also strips away the outermost layer of skin and dries out your hands (which has to do with point #2). Also, the CDC notes that the most common infections are typically viral (not bacterial) and therefore are not killed by the active ingredients in hand gel. Bottom line? Use hand sanitizer in a pinch, but not as a replacement for good ole soap and water. If I've just picked up Liam from childcare and he wants a snack in the car where we have no access to soap and water, I put antibacterial on his hands and hope for the best. Otherwise, I always try to find a sink. Also, making your own natural hand sanitizer with essential oils looks intriguing, though I haven't tried it myself.

2. Moisturize your hands. Your skin is your number one protection against disease. So we have to be careful when we have wounds or openings to the skin that allow bacteria or viruses direct access to our bodies. In the winter, when your hands get really dry and sometimes crack, those little cracks are a weak spot for your immune system because they allow microbes in. No wonder it's so much easier to get sick in the dry winter, right? So keeping them moisturized protects them (and you) from disease.

3. Elderberry syrup. It's our secret weapon. I learned about it several years ago on Passionate Homemaking and Shawn and I have used it with a lot of success. This Fall and Winter, we'll be taking one to two teaspoons of it every morning as an immunity booster. Also, if you're at the beginning of a cold or infection, you can take 1 teaspoon every 2-3 hours and you'll get over it much quicker. It's powerful stuff! We had been buying bottles of it from Whole Foods, but just recently started making our own (which is much cheaper) with this tutorial from Mountain Rose Herbs, which is where I buy our elder berries. You can also purchase elderberries on Amazon. It's all natural, works amazingly well to fight cold and flu, and actually tastes really good. I think kids would really love it! Try it out! I just made this year's batch of elderberry syrup and made sure to use raw, local honey this time around - which has added health benefits for seasonal allergy sufferers. And from the research I did, raw honey has no more risks than processed honey for children or pregnant women. I also put 1 teaspoon of elderberry syrup into Liam's sippy cup in the morning and he doesn't mind the taste at all. When we were both recently sick, we took a teaspoon every few hours and got over our colds very quickly (in less than 3 days). 

4. Flu shots. I know this is such a controversial topic, but because I'm pregnant and because of my background as a registered nurse (and the complications I often saw of people having the flu), we're all getting flu shots this year. I've personally never gotten the flu after getting a flu shot, and because the flu can be pretty dangerous in pregnancy, it's what my midwife strongly recommends. We do always opt for the preservative-free shot which can usually be found at Walgreens (just call ahead to check). This means that it does not contain mercury as some flu shots do. It is refrigerated, and I think it stings a little more, but it feels well worth it to me.

What are some tips you have on staying healthy during the cold/flu season?

P.S. I'm tempted to jump onto the essential oils bandwagon. I've read so many positive things about them, just haven't made the leap. Worth it? Any specific brands you'd recommend? 

My go-to lunch.

I haven't always been in the habit of eating healthy lunches. But I've found that when I make the conscious effort to do so - instead of just popping a frozen pizza in the oven - my afternoon becomes immeasurably more productive. I also think I'm much more likely to make a healthy dinner if I've already eaten a healthy lunch.

For the past year, these lentil tacos have been my go-to meal on at least 2-3 days a week. I try to keep the ingredients readily available so they take less than 5 minutes to make, and they can be easily changed up from time to time. These also transport well in a packed lunch for work or a picnic.

I found every ingredient for these at Trader Joe's, where they stock delicious jalapeño hummus, the best cheddar cheese I've ever tasted (called "Unexpected Cheddar"), and pre-cooked lentils (found in the refrigerator section near the produce). These items are on my weekly grocery list because they make such an easy lunch and can obviously be used for lots of dinner ideas, too. This meal is also gluten-free and can easily be made dairy-free, too, by nixing the cheese.

Lentil Tacos

Ingredients:
Corn tortillas
Lentils - you can cook your own or buy them pre-cooked
Jalapeño hummus - I'm pretty sure this one ingredient makes all the difference in flavor for this meal
Cheese - I like "Unexpected Cheddar" from Trader Joe's
Cherry tomatoes
Ripe avocado
Green onions

How to:
1. Heat 3-4 tablespoons of lentils per taco (either in the microwave or over the stove) until steamy. Heat the tortillas until soft.
2. Slather each tortilla with a generous tablespoon of jalapeño hummus.
3. Add warm lentils, sliced avocado, green onions, cheese, and whatever other topping you choose.
4. Enjoy!

Extra points for:
+ Grilling the tortilla (!!!) before adding ingredients
+ Adding a dollop of salsa or sour cream, and chopped cilantro
+ Drizzling with sriracha sauce for extra heat
+ Squirting fresh lime juice on top
+ Drinking Lemon flavored La Croix sparkling water

Pride comes before the fall

Just yesterday, I thought to myself,
"It seems like everyone around me is coughing and sneezing and I haven't caught it. It must be all that juice I drink... or the homemade elderberry syrup... or the healthy food..."

Then came this morning. I woke up and couldn't breathe through my nose, had a sore throat, and a pounding sinus headache. Ironic, eh? I made it through the day without feeling too terrible, all the while pumping my body full of tons of fresh juice, zinc lozenges, Airborne, and elderberry syrup I made today.

I thought surely all that natural goodness would conquer it, and quick.
I thought wrong.

I taught this afternoon, which went well. Then I taught tonight (for 63 people) and felt worse and worse as the class progressed. As soon as I finished the last step, I walked off the stage and into my car to head home with a low-grade fever. All that to say, my Saturday is going to look a bit different than I'd planned. Less check marks on my to-do list and more time in pajama pants on my cozy couch.

You know in Psalm 23 when it says, "He makes me lie down in green pastures?"
I'm pretty sure that's what He has up His sleeve for me. Making me lie down. Making me sit still for just a minute. And you know what? I'll take it.

Speaking of Psalm 23, I really love the very first verse: "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing." How true.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend with lots less kleenex than mine. :)

My Celiac story.

Back in April of last year, I experienced a horribly turbulent flight just before Easter weekend and, that evening, my first full-blown panic attack. I had never felt anything like it - a complete loss of control, shaking limbs, and the palpable fear that I was near death. I begged Shawn to take me to a hospital, thinking something was seriously wrong. He tried to calm me down and ran a hot bath for me, which helped a little. We prayed and asked my parents and some friends to pray, which helped more. But it was still a mystery why this had happened in the first place. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced, and I didn't feel that I was in a particularly stressful season in life. The flight was scary, but not necessarily bad enough to cause such severe symptoms.

As several days and weeks passed, I didn't experience another full-blown attack, but would feel panicked about every other week and my legs would tremor (like severe chills). Other symptoms started showing up as well. I developed a dull, constant headache that would ebb and flow in severity. And after eating, I'd nearly always feel nauseated and dizzy and have to lie down until it passed. I became an expert at faking that I felt good, but even if I seemed completely normal to friends, I usually didn't feel ok at all.

There were also gastrointestinal symptoms, such as waking up in the middle of the nightfamished. I was so intensely hungry at 2 or 3am every morning that I'd run blindly to the fridge, eat a little peanut butter or bread, then fall back asleep for a few hours. I'd be woken again no later than 5am by the same feeling.

As you can see, this was no way to live.

This went on for 5 or 6 months, and during this time, I visited five different doctors. The first two doctors thought I was "just pregnant" and dismissed my symptoms as very early pregnancy. I was not pregnant, for the record, and left frustrated because they hadn't really listened to me. For the leg tremors, one doctor said, "Don't worry, you don't have MS" and prescribed a potent muscle relaxer with horrible side effects, which I opted not to take.

Another doctor surmised that I had blood sugar issues, and sent me home with a glucose monitor. I knew I wasn't the typical candidate for diabetes, but I went along with his idea. I tested my blood sugar every few hours or when symptoms would occur, but the numbers didn't coincide with my symptoms like I had hoped. I did have very low blood sugar (hypoglycemia) at times, but never too high which would indicate diabetes. And it still didn't account for all the symptoms I was experiencing.

This miserable "not knowing" lasted 7 months before we had an answer. I took 16 different blood tests, and the only one that turned up abnormal indicated that I may have a gluten intolerance or Celiac disease. I thought gluten was like glucose (back to the blood sugar issues) but when I did further research, I learned that it is a protein found in wheat, barley, and rye.

At this point, I was willing to try anything, though I was pretty skeptical that something I ate could cause neurological symptoms. But I cut gluten completely out of my diet anyway. You'd be amazed at how difficult this is in the beginning! No bread, no pasta, no crackers, no cereal. And it doesn't stop there - gluten is found in many soups, sauces, soy sauce, and even certain coffee flavorings, soy milk, and tea bags that are sealed with wheat paste! It is a culinary minefield! I became an incessant label reader, trying to detect if there were hidden gluten sources in anything I ate (gluten can even be disguised as "modified food starch," for example).

But it worked.

Within weeks of establishing my new diet, I felt like myself again! I had no more panic attacks, no leg tremors, no headaches, no nausea, no dizziness. And now, three months later, my health has been completely restored! Praise the Lord!

The problem is, once you stay away from gluten, your body becomes even more intolerant of it. So if I get a trace of gluten (such as if my chicken was grilled on the same grill with chicken covered in glutenous sauce) I could be very sick and throwing up for hours. So I am very, very careful.

One question I've gotten a lot and have asked myself as well: If you've always been allergic to gluten, how did you just find out? Well, from what I've read, Celiac is a tricky disease and manifests itself in many different ways throughout life. Looking back at my own history, the puzzle pieces fit together and it makes sense that I have been intolerant to gluten and not known it for many years. For example, I had asthma and allergies and chronic bronchitis in middle school, and chronic acid reflux in high school. These symptoms and others point to Celiac, though many aren't diagnosed until their early twenties or later when your body finally says, "Enough is enough" and there is a more acute reaction. Most experience GI symptoms; some never do.

I am very thankful that the general public is gaining understanding of gluten intolerance now more than ever! Many restaurants now have a gluten-free menu, such as Carrabba's,Maggiano's (who even have gluten-free pastas!), P.F. Chang's and many, many more. Also, there are more and more gluten-free products coming out on the market that taste normal or almost normal. There are brown rice pastas that taste great, and certain baking mixes and granolas that are almost like the real thing. Even Betty Crocker has a gluten-free line now!

There are also gluten-free cookbooks, my favorite of which is Babycakes. It isn't entirely gluten-free but I have loved everything I have tried of the gluten-free recipes!

At times, I've wondered why the Lord didn't just heal me or reveal the problem the first time I prayed instead of allowing this to go on for 7 months. But He's shown me a few reasons.

First, I believe it was to allow my precious husband, in the critical and formative first year of our marriage, to really serve me. My stubborn independence wouldn't have allowed him to do that otherwise. He willingly, joyfully cooked dinners, prepared epsom salt baths to help me calm down, drove me to doctor's appointments, cried with me, and spent countless hours praying over me and reading Scripture to me. I must also mention that my husband has become my guard dog when it comes to food. He reads every label and if it isn't clearly "gluten free," I'm not allowed to touch it. He watched me suffer first-hand for 7 long months, and he's not willing to risk it again. Sometimes when we're over at friends' homes for dinner, it's tempting for me to just endure the consequences if I have a little gluten (always a pounding headache a few hours later and usually stomach sickness). But Shawn takes the lead and risks offending to make sure I stay healthy.

Secondly, I also think the Lord prepared me through this struggle to comfort others with the comfort I have received from Him. As I'm about to enter nursing school, I am sure I will encounter patients who deal with chronic pain. Before now, I wouldn't have even begun to understand their situation. But after a 7-month constant struggle, I can honestly say I have a glimpse of what they must be enduring.

Lastly, and most importantly, the Lord has drawn me even closer to Himself. I'd never faced a health issue like this one, so drawn out and debilitating at times. I became a woman of constant prayer, mostly out of sheer necessity. Praying and feeling the Lord's presence was the only comfort I felt.

One story in the Bible that gave me so much hope was that of the woman who bled for 12 years before Jesus healed her. I would read this story and weep, asking the Lord to heal me as he had healed her. I knew He was capable of healing me in an instant. I argued with Him all the things I could do for Him if He would just help me to feel better. He doesn't work like that.

The account in Matthew 9:20-22 is just three short verses, but so powerful:

Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for 12 years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, 'If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.' Jesus turned and saw her. 'Take heart, daughter,' he said, 'your faith has healed you.' And the woman was healed from that moment.

In Luke's account of the same story, he writes, "Immediately her bleeding stopped." He also records that Jesus called the woman, "Daughter," and in the Gospel accounts, this woman is the only individual Jesus addressed with this affectionate, tender term. It tells me He must have been filled to the brim with compassion for this woman who had bled without stopping, without answers, for 12 long years. She must have been gaunt, her eyes sallow, and her whole countenance weak and defeated. Just thinking of how Jesus allowed her to touch his cloak without getting angry - for it would make a person ceremonially unclean to have contact with her - gave me such hope and more love for Him.

For more gluten-free resources:

Gluten-Free Goddess - tons of wonderful GF recipes!

How to adapt recipes to be gluten-free

My favorite GF baking flour

Chicago with Mom.

I've been a terrible blogger.

But I've had a busy and wonderful week, and therefore, I feel no remorse. :)

Mom came to visit on Thursday and just left this afternoon. We had so much fun with her! Shawn and I are both so thankful that she's not only an amazing mom, but an incredible friend and spending time with her (and Dad) never gets old.

Some highlights from our weekend:

Walking through Lincoln Park on the most gorgeous day

Sipping tea at Argo

Visiting Shawn at his job

Behind Shawn's counter

Beautiful Mom with her toasted marshmallow latte

Thrifting at the Ark

Riding many buses and one train

Eating lunch at the biggest Whole Foods you've ever seen

Getting pedicures

Dinner at RA Sushi

Caramel-cheese popcorn mix from Garrett's

Enjoying a free concert in Millennium Park featuring the stars of the Lyric Opera

On our way to Millennium Park

The concert from our amazing seats - this night was magical!

Buying pumpkins and honeycrisp apples at the Farmer's Market on Division

Shawn will love me for this. :) Enjoying his honeycrisp apple

Perusing the Renegade Craft Fair in Wicker Park

(if you're in Chicago this weekend, you should go! It's 300+ booths full of creativity. Soak it up!)

With Josiah and Jamie at the fair

Thanks so much for spending the weekend with us, Mom. We love you and are excited to see you again in 2 short weeks!

We're Moving

For all of our Chicago friends, I have some sad news. We are leaving town for a long while (i.e. moving) on Monday, September 28th. I know, I know. That is so soon! We know there will be no way to say goodbye to everyone, but we would love to see as many people as possible before we go. Chicago has been so good to us, and the Lord has blessed us immensely by putting some lifelong friends in our path. My heart hurts as I think about driving away from the city, but I feel so strongly that we are following God's perfect plan for us as we follow Him to Texas! We're excited for this next adventure.

Health Update

I don't always mention the health issues that I've been dealing with for almost 6 months now because a.) I still don't have all the answers and b.) I really don't want it to seem depressing. It has felt a little hopeless at times, mainly because just haven't known what's going on. But after a myriad of blood tests and a couple misdiagnoses, I think I have an answer. Gluten. From now on, I'll be on a completely gluten-free diet. I have so much to learn, and I'm sure some of the recipes I post in the coming days will look a little differently, but I hope you'll learn along with me. And if anyone has any gluten-free recipes or advice, please feel free to pass them along. I am thrilled to give this a try and am hopeful that I'll be symptom-free soon!

My Husband

I just have to brag on him for a minute. When he asks me, "What can I do for you?" on a daily basis, he means it. The other day, I answered, "You could make one dinner a week for us. That would help me a lot." So for the last 3 weeks or so, he has made fabulous meals from scratch and I arrive home on Thursday nights to this:

Breaded chicken, broiled zucchini with parmesan, and green beans, ciabatta with olive oil dipping sauce, and frozen grapes. Yes, please.

What a blessing. My Shawn is learning to cook... and excelling at it! I am one lucky girl.

Doctor's orders: gain weight, eat candy.

After literally weeks of experiencing strange symptoms, seeing two doctors without any answers, and worrying about what might possibly be causing all of this, we finally have a diagnosis: hypoglycemia.

In a nutshell, I've had three episodes of severe tremors over the past month and a half, as well as a constant nagging headache, some nausea, and dizziness. The tremors were, by far, the most concerning symptom. It wasn't just as though my hands were shaking a bit. The muscles in my whole body, mainly my legs, contracted uncontrollably for up to 30 minutes. Two different doctors were convinced I was pregnant (thankfully, I am not!) but had no other ideas of what it could be. I couldn't help but think of what might be causing this, wondering if I may have a brain tumor or something very serious. Fear of the unknown can grip you.

After putting some of the pieces together, a third doctor (of internal medicine) recognized it immediately as hypoglycemia. That thought had definitely entered my mind, but because of never having low blood sugar before, it still seemed like an unlikely possibility.

But when it was all explained to me, it makes a lot of sense. It's likely that being under the recommended weight for my height is contributing to the problem, as though my body has so little fat to fight for itself that when I go without food for too long, the blood sugar drops so low that I begin to shake. This weight loss has been gradual and involuntary and probably has to do with becoming a vegetarian in the last year.

I've been given a planned diet that should help me as I change the way I eat and, more specifically, how often I eat. I eat very healthy, just not enough - and not enough protein. I also need to figure out how to put on a few pounds in a healthy way. He said that should help with the overall maintenance of my glucose level. The eating candy part is only in case I feel an attack coming on, so I'll be sure to have a concentrated sugar source on hand. And no, "gain weight, eat candy" wasn't all the advice I was given. :)

All this said, I have so much to learn about being hypoglycemic, but am thankful it's nothing more serious than that. Thank you to everyone who has been praying!