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Are you thinking of New Years' Resolutions for 2015 yet? (Do you even do that?) One of my resolutions involves reading, as it usually does, and this year I decided to map out my book choices ahead of time.

For now, I only have 13 out of 20 books chosen... and that's where you come in. I would love to hear your book suggestions for any of these categories of something I need to read! I know other readers would appreciate the input, too. So if you have a book idea, please leave it in the comments.

Here's what I've chosen so far...

Spiritual Life:
Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin
Found in Him by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Galatians for You: For Reading, for Feeding, for Leading by Timothy Keller

Fiction:
What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty
The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford
Lila by Marilynne Robinson

Marriage & Parenting:
Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic
The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity by Francis & Lisa Chan
The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy & Kathy Keller

Non-fiction:
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
Lies That Make You Pay & Truths That Set You Free by Rachel Norman

5 November goals.

I've been using this planner since August (which I love), and one of the things it's really prompted me to do is to set goals. Because how do we accomplish much of anything without them? Most of my goals in this season of life revolve around maintaining balance and peace. Without it, my 7-months-pregnant-chasing-a-toddler-on-top-of-everything-else self goes a little crazy. Ultimately, that begins and ends in the time I spend with the Lord. But I've also been learning a lot about setting goals, creating boundaries, and sticking with them to stay sane. So here are a few manageable goals for this month...

+ Purchase and wrap all Christmas presents for friends and family (not including for Liam & Shawn). Maybe it's nesting? But I'm almost halfway there with this goal and it feels so good. For our budget, for my time, and for the overall holiday stress level.

+ Go on a real date. Drinking hot tea and watching The Good Wife after Liam goes to bed doesn't count.

+ Take a day of family rest every week. This makes the biggest different in my heart, I've found, when I get quality time with my guys with no to-do lists in sight.

+ Read a "classic." Cozying up on a November night with a tried and true book just sounds so delicious. I've got To Kill A Mockingbird in mind.

+ Do something kind for someone in need, with Liam. I remember being struck by how Princess Diana would take her sons along when she did charity work, and how it's impacted them so strongly even today. I can't think of a better way to celebrate a month of thanksgiving than to serve someone else - even in a small way - and to have Liam join me. I know he's just 2, but who knows what impact it will make on him even now.

Notes from Saturday.

On Saturday night, I drove through downtown Raleigh for what felt like an hour, hunting for an open coffee shop with an open seat. Shawn had lovingly pushed me out the door at the mention of wanting a place to think and write. After accidentally stepping into not one but two hookah lounges, I finally landed in a loud, somewhat scuzzy café on a local college campus. (Raleigh friends, tell me your secrets. Where can I find a quiet, classy coffee or tea shop close that's not bursting at the seams?)

I scanned the crowd and saw a couple of students with dark-rimmed glasses and philosophy books piled high. I spied a nervous couple at the end of their first (and possibly last) date. I watched a guy with a flawless Afro tap the table to the beat in his neon headphones.

I felt... mom-ish. Frumpy. With crumbs in the bottom of my purse and a spot of dried applesauce on my jeans, I felt past my coffee-shop prime. I used to be one of them, a coffee shop dweller who whiled away hours with a laptop and a latte, complaining about how insanely busy I was. Busy enough to sip lattes most nights, apparently.

But it didn't take me long to close my eyes and remember my day. Isn't that the key so often? Not pining for what seems like the greener grass, and taking account of what has so graciously been given to you?

Saturdays in the Newby house have been declared Family Day, and there's absolutely no work allowed. No Etsy convos to answer. No sewing. No distractions from the little things, which are really the big things.

Here's what's allowed: Waking up without an alarm. Watching a couple episodes of Curious George. Serving up apple cinnamon pancakes and steaming cups of tea. Opening the back door wide to let the fresh air blow the smell of grass through our house. Finding bikes on Craigslist and exploring the Greenway all afternoon. Tending our baby garden. Kneeling next to the bathtub, scrubbing the day's dirt from between toddler toes. Looking into my favorite green eyes. Admiring my favorite dimples.

Saturdays are about creating open space: to breathe, to think, to give thanks, to just enjoy one another for maybe the first time all week.

Had I seen my latte-sipping 21-year-old self across the coffee shop that night, I'm not sure I would have seen a girl quite so content as the 28-year-old with crumbs in her purse and applesauce on her jeans. The 21-year-old I remember was constantly waiting for something. Constantly impatient. Just ready to move onto the next season already, surviving the current season in angst.

This season is different, and in many ways, better. Perhaps less adventurous. Definitely less spontaneous. But as I looked back at Liam in his bike seat as he took in the passing landscape with wide eyes, I told Shawn, "He's totally content." As I said it, I realized, so am I. Contentment: it's the one puzzle piece that's been missing from my life for so very long. It doesn't mean that every moment - or even every day - is happy. Just yesterday, I sat through the funeral of a very young man who took his own life, and I felt more sadness than I've felt in months. There are moments of self pity, of stress, of frustration. There are days when the budget feels too tight, the workload feels too heavy, and the moments of happiness and ease are few and far between.  But the thread of contentment, of deep peace, is woven so deeply in my soul that even the rough days don't shake my core like they used to.

The difference is Christ. Knowing Him and loving Him deeper and fuller than I did 7 years ago, I can say that the journey with Him just gets sweeter with time. I know that my circumstances have not brought more peace - we probably have tighter margins with time and money than we ever have. Life hasn't gotten easier. My new roles as wife and mom, as so many dream to become, do not fulfill every deep desire and need I have. He brings peace. He brings joy. As I have tasted and have seen, apart from Him is no good thing.

My new birth-year resolution.

I have a birthday coming up, so for the past couple weeks, Shawn has been pestering me about what's on my wish list.

But I have everything I need, Sweetie. Seriously.

I really do feel that way, but that answer doesn't appease him. So when I finally thought about it, I want to learn calligraphy. Modern calligraphy. (There is a definite difference.) I adore some of the gorgeous hand lettering I've been seeing for years now, and I love the style that looks like someone's handwriting... just better. It's a far cry from the more traditional, Old English style calligraphy I learned from a kit back in middle school.

I've asked for this book to help me get started:

Modern Calligraphy: Everything You Need to Know to Get Started in Script Calligraphy

And I found some favorite tips & nibs suggestions:


And finally, I've been inspired by these gorgeous examples...

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So as I get to practicing, I have a feeling I'll be talking more about this on the blog... so consider yourself forewarned. :)

Any other resources I should know about as a beginner? I'd love to hear.

2014.

With two sickies in the house, 2014 has already looked a lot different than we'd planned. We were supposed to be in Nashville for this entire week, but a middle of the night ER visit for Liam changed everything. He was diagnosed with croup and RSV, and has now generously shared a strain of what he has with Shawn. 

All that to say, I've been busy cooking and Lysol-ing and wiping Liam's nose, and hadn't thought much about this new year quite yet. But then, I saw Emily's blog and thought it was the perfect, simple idea for "resolutions." So here are mine... 

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A bad habit I'm going to break: Checking my email as soon as I wake up

A new skill I'd like to learn: How to use Adobe Illustrator to make sewing pattern pieces

A person I hope to be more like: Christ. My goal every year until I meet Him face to face.

A good deed I'm going to do: Watch a friend's children while they go on a date night. It's a gift we've been given multiple times and there's nothing better.

A place I'd like to visit: Germany, to finally visit Shawn's parents and see where he grew up. Not sure if it's realistic, but I'd love to try.

A book I'd like to read: The Count of Monte Cristo. I've started it at least twice now, and I'm determined to finish it this year. 

A letter I'm going to write: A letter to an author I admire (haven't picked which one)

A new food I'd like to try: Homemade kombucha 

I'm going to do better at: Handwriting thank you notes. I'm the absolute worst.

What are your resolutions for 2014? 

Dream in color.

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Growing up in the Tunney household, we had a family motto:

Dream in color.

Aside from my faith in Jesus, it's my biggest takeaway from childhood. As a little girl, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd answer without pause: "A missionary pediatrician to a Spanish-speaking country." It was true. And no one in my family rolled their eyes when I said it. I wanted to be a white version of Mother Teresa with a stethoscope around my neck.

Over the years, the dreams evolved just as I did. Don't they always?

I dreamed of being a nurse. I dreamed of living life in a big city. I dreamed a lot of dreams.

Throughout my time at home, my parents really fostered those dreams and didn't shy away from the extravagance of them. When I saw a boy learning to play drums on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood as a seven-year-old, my dad willingly took me to the music store that very same day to buy a practice drum kit so I could get started learning drums, too. When I felt called to spend a summer in the Amazon jungle - despite the fact that I'd never camped or slept outside - they sent their hearts and their prayers with me on an airplane to Peru.

I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately. And if I was really honest and dreamed in color, what would that big dream be? The one that's almost too sacred to utter aloud for fear it might lose its power?

It would be this: I want to be a writer. 
In some ways, I know that I already am. I write here; I write often. But I don't want to only write blog posts. I want to be a published author. I want to wrestle for days with words that turn into sentences that turn into paragraphs that end up printed on real paper.  I want my publisher to skim a few pages and shove them back across the table and tell me to keep working because I can do so much better (do they really do that?). I want my great-grandchildren to read my words on printed pages with yellowed edges and see a glimpse of the heart of Jesus.

It's a lofty goal. I don't even have a topic or a genre for this someday book. But I'm announcing it here, shoving it into the light, because I have to start somewhere. A girl can dream.

Right now.

A few weeks ago, I quit my job at the hospital. Had anyone told me several months back that I would do this, I wouldn't have believed it. I was so determined to make it all work - the nursing, the breastfeeding, the Etsy shop, the being a wife and mom and friend and daughter.

I went back to work for about a month and got to experience just what it would be like for the foreseeable future had I stayed. There was the 14 hours away from Liam, the trickiness of securing childcare on different days every week, the pumping breastmilk every three to four hours in a utility closet, the responding to Etsy convos on my phone during breaks, then sewing as soon as I got home. As much as I wanted to make it all work, it just didn't feel right. I was utterly exhausted and felt like I had about 3 full-time jobs, and none that I was doing well.

I feared both decisions - the decision to stay and the decision to go. I feared that the current setup wouldn't work for long, and that I'd live my life balled up in stress. I wasn't doing anything well, and that's not a good feeling. I also feared the prospect of being a stay-at-home mom, with long periods of just me and Liam at home, which I do not handle well. I also feared that if I didn't continue to work, I'd lose my nursing skills and job prospects for the future. I'd worked so hard for the past 2 years to become a nurse, and now I would just walk away? Needless to say, it was a tough decision and I went back and forth for weeks. I have so much respect for moms in all situations - working moms, stay-at-home moms, work-at-home moms. None of it is easy.

Ultimately, I had to make a decision. With Shawn's support, I gave my two weeks' notice. The profession of nursing will always be there. But Liam won't always be little - and I don't want to miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be the most incredible mom I can be for him, while working from home.

Another major component - and the real tie breaker in this decision - is Brighter Day. We did the math and figured that I could make just as much, if not more, through Brighter Day than working as a nurse, for which I am so thankful. And that sealed the deal. (I have so many of you to thank - your support over the past couple years has been unbelievable and is now allowing me to work full-time hours from home... incredible! Thank you!)

I was hesitant to write about this, mainly because I didn't immediately feel confident about my decision. But the Lord has been faithful to bring peace. And joy. Will I miss aspects of nursing? Absolutely. I worked for the greatest people in the sweetest community hospital out there. But I have no regrets, and I'm moving forward with this dream the Lord has given Shawn and me for our family and for Brighter Day. We have some big dreams this year in regards to Brighter Day's future (which I'll talk more about soon), and I couldn't be more excited. Thank you so much for your constant support and for coming along for the ride!

A new year.

I'm not exactly sure where this post is going except that my heart feels so alive and fresh with the grace of a new beginning as the calendar flipped to 2012. I want so much from this year that I can't possibly fit it into resolutions.

Today was my first day of my last semester of nursing school. I was handed a full list of to-do's, a bulging schedule, and OB and trauma clinicals that I cannot wait for. I want this semester to really count. It's going to be intense, but I want to remember that while I am still a student, I am also some patient's nurse. I can't forget that. I'm not just "playing nurse"; I'm doing it.

I know this sounds cliché, but I want so badly to keep the most important things the most important things.
Less whining.
Less Pinterest: filling my mind and my computer screen with so many material things that I cannot should not have.
Less stressing out about not having perfect grades, a perfect bank account, a perfect cooking schedule, a perfect attitude... you get the idea.

More prayer: not just the "I need you to come through for me on this test, God" kind of prayer. The "I need you every moment of every day because life without you is meaningless and impossible" kind of prayer.
More breakfasts in bed (i.e. our New Years' Eve tradition above). More quality time with Shawn when we turn off our cell phones and computers and go grab coffee.
More passion for the things that really matter... the orphans and widows that are so close to God's heart, and the lavish giving of ourselves that we are called to as God's children. I feel a burning desire in my heart for these things, and I know they come straight from the Lord.

So 2012, I'm ready for you.
I can't wait to see what you have in store.

In an effort to document the everyday

This is 5:30am at my house.

And 11:30pm.

And usually sometime in between.

Tea brewing

At least I have the sweetest view.

Our first real Christmas tree, partially decorated

To be honest, it's been really easy to have a complaining spirit about these current weeks. I'm not getting lots of sleep, working lots, going to class, going to lab every time the doors are open, and preparing for final exams which are scattered through the next two weeks. There are things that I miss: free time, cooking, getting together with friends. 

And then I really sit back and think about it.

I have the opportunity, by God's grace, to work almost full-time and to be a full-time student, pursuing what we feel like God has for me: a nursing degree.
I have never once gone hungry.

If I get cold, I grab yet another sweater or turn the heat up in our little house.
I have a family who loves me, a husband who adores me, a home on 20 beautiful acres...
and I'm complaining?
Goodness.

As soon as I remember those things and more, I get back to my books with a smile in my heart and a reassurance that God really is so good and so faithful.

This morning, I changed it up a little.

I moved into our sunroom to watch the sunrise over my Nutrition textbook.

Yes, that's a second Christmas tree.
Yes, we have a small two-bedroom house.

We just really like Christmas around here. :)

Good to have goals.

Having a wallet stolen is no fun. I'm not concerned with the money I lost or the gift cards - God has kept me in perfect peace about those things - but I am most sad about losing my life goals list that has found its home in my wallet for many years.

As hard as I may try, there's no way I can totally replace the list. I just can't remember all 40+ goals! So I've decided I'm going to remember as many as I can and add on to make up for the rest. And I'll keep the list somewhere other than my wallet.

FYI: I realize by putting these out here, I'm pretty much committing to them (or at least committing to attempt them!). That's ok with me.

Climb Mt. Whitney.

Hold a monkey. [check]

Speak at a funeral. [check]

Get married. [check]

Read Les Miserables.

Walk 10 miles without seeing anyone.

Go sky diving.

Adopt a child.

Write a good song.

Ice skate at Rockefeller Center. [CHECK]

Win a contest drawing. [check... kind of. I won a drawing contest. So, in effect, I won a contest, drawing. Haven't won anything in a drawing yet.]

Run a marathon.

See Josh Groban in concert. [check]

Become fluent in American Sign Language.

Meet Marcos Witt.

Fly over fireworks on July 4.

Establish residency in a foreign country.

Never retire.

Last but not least, memorize the book of Philippians. I have two chapters down and two to go. But I'm wondering, does anyone have any memorization tips? I tend to keep going back to the passages I like and "working on" those, even though I have them down pat. But then when it comes to the transitional type passages like, "I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche..." I lose track and lose motivation. Please let me know if you have any ideas of how to keep it going!

Hope everyone has a wonderful, restful weekend!