When I found out I was pregnant with Liam almost a year ago, one fear I faced was that my desire to adopt would have to be put on the back burner for a while. If you remember, we had just begun the paperwork to pursue adoption in Vietnam when we discovered I was already pregnant. (How's that for God's timing?) Of course, our pursuit of adoption did have to be put aside for a little while. But since holding Liam in my arms and feeling the depth of love I have for him as his mother, my passion for adoption has only grown. To imagine Liam in the shoes of one of millions of kids without parents... without love, without hope, without attention, without even his most basic needs met - it breaks my heart in half. The reality is, there are millions of kids who will spend their childhoods in an orphanage or an institution in deplorable conditions. Hundreds of millions, actually. And I don't know about you, but I can't just sit back and watch it happen.

As believers, every single one of us is called to care for orphans and widows. However, I don't believe that all people are called to adopt. And yes, there's still such a need for foster care and local adoption. And there's still such a need for international adoption. There are children in Haiti and China and Vietnam and Russia who will age out of the system before they've ever known what it is to be part of a family. Children who will simply not be adopted by natives of their own country. (For more on this, this article is really helpful... Why International Adoption Still Matters).

There's a new documentary coming out that I can't wait to see. It chronicles just how difficult international adoption can be... and let me say, it looks amazing. Try watching this trailer without tears. I don't know if it's possible.

STUCK TRAILER from Both Ends Burning Campaign on Vimeo.

Oh, Lord, break our hearts for the things that break Your heart and give us passion for the things you love. Amen.

Surprised by joy.

"How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you." Psalm 31:19

On a chilly night in February, Shawn and I had a pivotal conversation during a dinner date about our adoption. He was gut-level honest and said it would be easier for him to picture continuing to pursue our adoption but also being more open to having biological kids sooner rather than later. It felt a little overwhelming, he said, to have our very first child plopped into our laps as a one-year-old whom we had never met, instead of a baby we knew from the start... especially as neither of us have been parents before. I get that. I really do. The 9-month period that you can really prepare for a baby is so beneficial for a mom and a dad.

I told him I completely see where he's coming from and even though it didn't matter to me what the birth order of our kids is, I'd be open to just allow the Lord help us with the timing of it all. We wouldn't be stressed about having a baby, recording temperatures and timing everything. We didn't have a time window. We would just see what happens.

We both felt a lot lighter after that conversation. Giving things up to the Lord does that.

Little did we know that as we discussed this "possibility," I was already pregnant.

I love that the month we began our adoption process is the same month we found out we were pregnant. And I love that God very clearly assured us, in case we ever doubted, that He's in complete control. (Isn't it kind of funny how we thought we were making this major decision about our lives and He had already decided?! He had to be listening to our conversation that night and smiling really big.)

So I always pictured telling Shawn that we were pregnant in some spectacularly creative way. But after a 12-hour shift in the Trauma unit where the smells did unusually terrible things to my stomach, and the fact that I was 6 days late (I blamed it on stress), I took a pregnancy test. Still, I was thinking, "I can't be pregnant. I can't be," just honestly thinking there's no way since we'd just decided to be open to it. Well, as soon as that thought entered my mind, it left. Because within about 5 seconds was a very clear plus sign. (And then I took another test... and another, just to make sure.)

I couldn't help but grab my cell phone - in the bathroom, mind you - and call Shawn on his drive home. I knew he'd be home in 30 minutes, but I couldn't wait. I couldn't stay in that scary, overwhelming, crazy, crazy moment alone.

I said, "Do you know who I just found out is pregnant?" (I pretty much ask that every day since so many friends are pregnant right now. So he just expected to hear the name of one of my girlfriends.)

"Who?" he said.

"We are," I said.

Silence.

"Excuse me, what?! That's so crazy... Wait, really? Why did you tell me on the phone?!"  :)

He came home to lots of hugs and smiles, and later he went out and brought back 3 bouquets of celebratory roses. It was sweet, and I loved sharing it with just him.

Now to answer all the potential questions I can think of...
... I'm due in the Fall.
... Yes, I'll still graduate (obviously) and yes, I'll still work as a nurse up to and after the birth (maybe less obviously).
... I feel great! Tired, some food aversions, but not much to complain about at all. The women in my family have historically had easy, uneventful pregnancies, and I'm feeling very thankful for genetics right about now. I will say that I am soooo ready to graduate. May 5 can't come soon enough.
... Yes, we're still pursuing adoption.
... Yes, I'm probably the most surprised person out of anyone. God's working on my control issues, that's for sure.

We still can't believe it. The timing of it all was so... God. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the Lord who has created life inside of me. What a stunningly beautiful gift.

Worth the wait.

Source

The more I delve into the adoption process, the more I realize I don't know.

Did you know that you have to be 30 years old to adopt from China?
Did you know that you have to be married for 10 years to adopt from Haiti?
Did you know that not all adoption agencies work with all countries... you have to base your choice of an agency on your choice of country?
Did you know there are an estimated 160 million orphans in the world?

I vaguely knew these things, but the more I read the more I realize... I have so much to learn.

Through research and prayer over the last couple weeks, we've decided to pursue an adoption from Vietnam. The only problem is... adoptions are currently closed in Vietnam. However, we feel so strongly about it (for several reasons that I'll share another time) that we are willing to wait. We've been encouraged by several sources that believe it will open back up for adoption this summer (it's been closed for about 3 years). Then we'd be able to at least begin the process over the summer.

Until then, we wait. I try to wait patiently, though I'd love to go ahead and at least begin the paperwork. But because it's still a closed country, agencies are not ethically able to accept even a formal application.

So if you think to pray, please pray that Vietnam gets all its ducks in a row legally speaking and is able to be approved once again for intercountry adoptions. Pray for patience for us and the many, many other families who are waiting. And pray for the thousands of baby boys and girls who wait even more patiently for their forever families.

The best birthday gift. Ever.

Source

This year for my birthday, I asked Shawn for one thing: to begin the process of adopting a child.

A big part of my heart is - and always has been - for adoption. Since I was a little girl, I knew that God had clearly called me to two things: to adopt, and to be a missionary. I also knew that because those were the two callings on my life, if I was to have a husband, he would be committed to those things too. (God has quite the sense of humor, knowing all along that I would marry a man who'd already spent his entire life on the mission field.)

So I know a really common question may be: "Can you not have kids?"
And our answer is: We don't know. We haven't tried.

We do want biological kids, if that's what God has for us. But to be honest, I've never been one who has dreamed of being pregnant or can't wait to have a newborn. I wasn't even set on having my own biological kids until Shawn entered the picture. But I've definitely dreamed of bringing babies home from other countries (literally... I've had dreams about it). And I've dreamed of having a colorful family that looks a little like the United Nations. And even now, I can't talk about adoption without getting teary. It's just so precious to me, and there's no clearer picture of God's grace: He adopted us as part of His family and gave us every right and privilege that comes with being His child and heir. How incredible! If nothing else, I know that Shawn will sense a deeper love that the Father has for us through this adoption process. I know it can be a painful, trying journey, but I also know it will be so worth it.

While we had always thought of having biological kids first, God has really put on my heart recently that if adoption is Plan A for us (just as having biological kids is also Plan A, if that's possible), then why not trust Him with the timing? I think it speaks loudly to our adopted child that we chose him/her as a first choice, and not as an afterthought.

So on the evening of my birthday, I filled out a preliminary application to an international adoption agency that we are looking into working with. We know so few details right now, but I wanted to let you know this little bit of news because I am just too excited not to! This blog may look a little different in the coming months as we share bits and piece of adoption news, but knowing you like I do, I don't think you'll mind too much.

We know this is such a giant step of faith. But we also trust that it's so close to God's heart that He will surely guide us along.