These pictures have nothing to do with the post. I just couldn't help but show you my happy little chub that makes my heart sing.

Shawn and I have been talking a lot recently about kingdoms. As he put it the other night, "We're either building God's Kingdom, or we're building our own." That hit me because it's so true. I'm either investing my time and energy into loving and serving others (and in turn, loving and serving the Lord) and building His Kingdom here on earth. Or I'm building my own kingdom: striving to find the nicest house and cars and jobs, trying to maintain the easiest, most comfortable life, and building myself up. I'm either humbling myself to put others first or toppling over them to get ahead. I'm either making Him great or making myself great. It's a constant struggle. 

Jesus was clear: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." (Matthew 16:24)

That makes me squirm. I love comfort. I love certainty. I love safety. But that's not what He called us to. He calls us to faith, to action, to radical love and sacrifice. 

So as we pack up our home and look out at this blank slate before us with so many decision to make, we pray for the grace to make building His Kingdom our aim.

Looking at the future.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. 

“They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

I love that when you entrust your life to the hands of God, you really have no idea where He's going to take you. It's the best kind of adventure.

So here's my latest surprise: I really love obstetrical nursing.

Why so surprising? OB nursing was quite literally the last type of nursing I ever saw myself doing. My friend Erica reminded me today that she had suggested it at one point and I said something to the effect of, "OB nursing seems too easy... the patients aren't really sick. I want to work in trauma where I'm really needed."

(Eating my words right now.) :)

I remember our pastor Jamie said a while back that God's will is not a tightrope... it's a wide open field. We should run until we hit a fence. I love that picture because I've hit some fences so far in the nursing world, but it's really for the best. I want some places that I can check off and say, "Nope, I don't think that's for me" so I can hone in on where I am supposed to be. I've experienced community health nursing, school nursing, gerontological nursing, a cardiac floor, general med-surg nursing... and none of it excites me and enthralls me the way OB does.

I found that I look forward to studying women's health and it comes pretty naturally to me.
I found that I don't come home from clinicals completely exhausted, and wouldn't mind staying even longer.
I found that the emergency C-section I witnessed a couple weeks ago from about 3 feet away was one of the bloodiest and scariest things I've ever witnessed... but when they pulled out a tiny 2-lb. baby and started singing, "Happy Birthday" to her, I wanted to rejoice. The moment was so sacred, holy, and beautiful.
I found the documentary "The Business of Being Born" completely fascinating. It stirred up something inside of me that I didn't even know was there... a passion for what birth was created to look like. It's a very graphic documentary, so I won't officially endorse it (especially to my young readers), but if you're interested in natural birth, I'd recommend it (not while you're eating, though). :)
I found that when I had the chance today in class to find a fetal heart tone and found it on the first try, it felt magical.

These feelings are all so new and surprising - and who knows that He won't change directions before May when I really have to decide - but I'm excited to see where He continues to lead.

Financial Peace.

About a week and a half ago, Shawn and I started attending a weekly Dave Ramsey "Financial Peace" class at a local church. Some good friends (hi Erica & John!) had encouraged us about how beneficial the class is - especially at our age - when it comes to being a good steward of your finances. And I have to say that even just a week and a half in, I agree with them. My whole thinking about money is being turned upside down.

Since we've been married, we've been very frugal for the most part. We aren't big spenders and we don't go shopping much at all, but there are those multi-weekly Chipotle dates, Pinkberry, Starbucks, etc. (Can you tell our financial downfall is food?) Yes, I have food allergies. And yes, we eat really healthy which costs more. Oh, and we're super busy - so eating out is often much more convenient. But it's still no excuse - and I kind of couldn't believe that we were spending just as much on food every month as we were spending on rent! No joke.

Dave teaches from a Biblical point of view (and is a fellow Franklinite! Yeah!) and he means business. He instructs you in little baby steps to take to be able to live debt-free, invest, and give. Ultimately, it's a lot about freedom. A lot of people who seem financially free really aren't at all... swiping the credit card when there's no money to back it up, buying cars and houses that they really can't afford. What Dave teaches is definitely countercultural, but I really see it as bringing true freedom - and that makes me so excited.

So in the first week, our progress is pretty miraculous: we've saved just about $1,000 for the first baby step, the "emergency fund." Money goes a lot longer when you have a new perspective on its stewardship, you pick up a couple extra photography jobs, and you eat at home. This may sound so simple, and you may be saying, "Well, of course it's going to save you money if you eat at home" but it's more than that. It's a way of thinking that I hadn't adopted until now. Money is not just there for my pleasure - it's ultimately God's and He has given us a big job in managing it well.

I encourage you to look into taking a class!

Wait and see.

The thought has not left my head today: "What am I doing?"
It's safe to say I'm doing lots of things. Today is jam packed with sewing up custom orders, studying for two upcoming exams, grocery shopping, and preparing our home for company.

But what am I really doing? Not just today - not just this week - but with my life?

As Annie Dillard wrote, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." 
That brings tears to my eyes today... it could not be any more convicting.
I don't think I ever saw myself where I am now. Living in a cute little yellow house in my hometown. Spending way too much time reading blogs and updating Facebook. Catching up with friends over $4 cups of tea. Doing more DIY projects around the house than I can count. And really, there's nothing wrong about any of it. At all. In fact, I feel I'm able to enjoy so much beauty in my life and every ounce of beauty comes from God.

But I just have this sense that a lot of that is about to change.
To be honest, I don't even know what that means. It's just that God's still small whisper that moves my soul has moved me today to be ready for change.

I do know that I graduate from nursing school in 9 months.
I do know that the passion for missions and adoption that the Lord has instilled in Shawn and me has not waned.
I do know that we have no real roots much of anywhere - and we see that as a blessing. No major debt holding us down. No ill family members we need to stay to take care of. We are free. What a gift.
I know that God's heart beats for the poor - and right now in my life, I have so little contact with them. I know that this needs to change. Tithing and praying is good, but it still feels so distant.
I know that Shawn and I have not felt peace about any of our future options after nursing school, and we have a feeling God is just telling us to wait and see what He has planned.

So we will - we will wait on You, Lord.
And in the waiting, we'll try our very hardest to enjoy the lavish gifts you've given us here.

Playing in the sun.

Saturday night was the perfect date night for the two of us.
Before we left, we played in the warm, glowy sun for a little while... just us, our glorious backyard, and our camera. It's not often we take pictures of each other (and even less often that we have a picture of the two of us together), so excuse the overload of them in this post. :)

Highlights of our evening: 
Catching up over chicken piccata and grilled salmon
Having no distractions - no computers, cell phones, or homework
Taking a tango lesson with about 500 people in Centennial Park
Funny moment - a girl stole Shawn to be her tango partner! (She didn't know his wife was on her way.) So I ended up dancing with a high schooler who was at least 3 inches shorter than me for the first few minutes. :)
Live big band music
Pinkberry yogurt piled high with kiwi, strawberries, and gummy bears
Time to look my love in the eye, to hold his hand, and to dream about our future

Processing.

I feel like I've recently reached an age (mid-twenties) that the world is expecting you to have some things figured out.

Like who are you going to marry? (Got that one.)
Where do you want to live? (Changes all the time.)
What do you want to do? (Still working on that one, too.)

Clearly, I haven't gotten much figured out in the world's eyes.
Yes, I want to be a nurse. I guess that one was obvious. :) I'd love to work in an urban setting - most certainly a passion of mine - or overseas, once I get a little experience. But past that, everything else just feels so fluid.

For the longest time, our plan has been that as soon as I'm done with nursing school, we'll move somewhere for Shawn to go to seminary. But now even that is in question. Shawn still wants to go to seminary - and I want him to - but we don't know if the timing is right, and some people we really trust have recommended waiting until he has some more life experience, as seminary will mean much more. I definitely see their point.

My parents have always taught me to "dream in color." I love that. They modeled it for us, and Shawn's parents did too. We both grew up traveling a lot, so I think we both feel this inherent itch to try something new. Live in a new place. Explore a new season together.

Essentially, we've got the next three semesters here in Nashville until I finish school, then who knows where we'll go? For us, it's the most exhilarating feeling in the world. Not remotely scary, just exciting! We are children of an adventurous God who takes us places we'd never imagined, and we pray we'll always be brave enough to say "Yes" to His invitation.

So the next time someone asks me what we'll be doing in a couple years from now, I'll just have to shrug my shoulders and say, "I really have no idea. But God does. And I can't wait to see what He has planned."

Guess what?

(And she still can't believe it!!!)

By God's grace, I found out today that I was moved off the waiting list and onto the class roster to begin nursing school at the school I really wanted to go to in January!

Through a lot of prayer, Shawn and I felt very content with whatever the decision would be: to start in January or to wait until the Fall. But we are ecstatic that a spot opened up for January.

Let me just say, He answers prayer.

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 37:4