The thought has not left my head today: "What am I doing?"
It's safe to say I'm doing lots of things. Today is jam packed with sewing up custom orders, studying for two upcoming exams, grocery shopping, and preparing our home for company.
But what am I really doing? Not just today - not just this week - but with my life?
As Annie Dillard wrote, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
That brings tears to my eyes today... it could not be any more convicting.
I don't think I ever saw myself where I am now. Living in a cute little yellow house in my hometown. Spending way too much time reading blogs and updating Facebook. Catching up with friends over $4 cups of tea. Doing more DIY projects around the house than I can count. And really, there's nothing wrong about any of it. At all. In fact, I feel I'm able to enjoy so much beauty in my life and every ounce of beauty comes from God.
But I just have this sense that a lot of that is about to change.
To be honest, I don't even know what that means. It's just that God's still small whisper that moves my soul has moved me today to be ready for change.
I do know that I graduate from nursing school in 9 months.
I do know that the passion for missions and adoption that the Lord has instilled in Shawn and me has not waned.
I do know that we have no real roots much of anywhere - and we see that as a blessing. No major debt holding us down. No ill family members we need to stay to take care of. We are free. What a gift.
I know that God's heart beats for the poor - and right now in my life, I have so little contact with them. I know that this needs to change. Tithing and praying is good, but it still feels so distant.
I know that Shawn and I have not felt peace about any of our future options after nursing school, and we have a feeling God is just telling us to wait and see what He has planned.
So we will - we will wait on You, Lord.
And in the waiting, we'll try our very hardest to enjoy the lavish gifts you've given us here.
Love your thoughts. Feel so many similar ones--in my phase of life--and am so thankful of the Lord's perfect timing. Waiting is hard, but I just keep reminding myself that His plan is so much better than mine and SO worth the wait!
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling similar thoughts & I can't stop reading this blog lately: http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/ Particularly this post: http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/2010/10/reality-is-weighty-thing.html
ReplyDeletehave been living out my dream as a foster mom with the hopes of adoption the last 6 months-hoping to fill our little home with lots of foster kids, but yet still don't feel as though we're doing enough to help the poor...I've been up late frequently lately & been challenged a lot by what I've been reading! Just read the book "Half the Sky"...if you haven't read it yet, it's a very challenging book on the plight of oppressed woman around the world. The book literally made me sick to the stomach reading about what happens around the world to women.
Oh Whitney,
ReplyDeleteWe are in the same exact spot as you! We are moving to another city soon, and things are all up in the air..and waiting for God's leading is hard. I love reading your blog and seeing what God has been up to in your life! You have inspired me to blog and open up my own shop for the glory of God! Just so you know! I hope to open it up soon...but yes you are right..we don't know what or where God will be leading us..adoption has been on our hearts too, and so has ministry. Much love and prayers,
Hannah
I am so happy to see someone who is making a wonderful use of the freedoms and blessings granted by a loving Father. So many squander precious youth and tie themselves down to debt and bad habits. It's inspiring to read the righteous desires of your heart.
ReplyDeleteWe've got roots, that's for sure. With almost four babies, mounds of student loans and a family that needs us here. Our dream of serving a humanitarian mission will have to wait a few years. Even if we'll not be going until we send the youngest to college (I can imagine us with our slightly speckled, silver hair), it just feels good to know that if the Lord opens up a way, we would be oh, so willing.
Life is a grand adventure.