I love Whitney Houston.
I love The Preacher's Wife.
I love that it was Whitney's voice singing "I Believe in You and Me" at Rockefeller Center when we got engaged. (Shawn had chosen the song because it's one of my all-time favorites and as soon as I heard the intro, I cried.)
I'm so sad that she wasted away in front of a watching world.
I'm so sad that she's gone.

Whenever people ask, "Are you named after Whitney Houston?" (which is somewhat often... you other Whitney's probably know what I mean...) I say, "No. But my mom got to meet her!"

It was 1988, and my mom and her group were opening for Bebe and Cece Winans. Whitney was good friends with the Winans and loved their music, and would show up to concerts and sing backup for them. Can you even imagine?! Whitney Houston singing backup?? Often, until a few songs into the concert until she was introduced, no one even noticed her. Amazing.

So at this concert in LA, Mom was backstage with a big group of people and a little boy came up to her and started playing. A woman nearby approached her and asked, "Is he bothering you?" And they struck up a 5-minute conversation about kids. My mom was thinking, "She looks so much like Whitney Houston," but had no idea that Whitney would sometimes show up for concerts. Little did she know it WAS Whitney Houston. Pretty cool. :)

I really think Whitney is with the Lord. I think she really, really struggled (obviously). But I think her upbringing and affinity for the church, her love for Gospel music, the Christians in her life... I really believe she knows Jesus.

If you have 5 minutes, you have to watch this video. Whitney at her best... and the song. Oh, the song!

The best birthday gift. Ever.

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This year for my birthday, I asked Shawn for one thing: to begin the process of adopting a child.

A big part of my heart is - and always has been - for adoption. Since I was a little girl, I knew that God had clearly called me to two things: to adopt, and to be a missionary. I also knew that because those were the two callings on my life, if I was to have a husband, he would be committed to those things too. (God has quite the sense of humor, knowing all along that I would marry a man who'd already spent his entire life on the mission field.)

So I know a really common question may be: "Can you not have kids?"
And our answer is: We don't know. We haven't tried.

We do want biological kids, if that's what God has for us. But to be honest, I've never been one who has dreamed of being pregnant or can't wait to have a newborn. I wasn't even set on having my own biological kids until Shawn entered the picture. But I've definitely dreamed of bringing babies home from other countries (literally... I've had dreams about it). And I've dreamed of having a colorful family that looks a little like the United Nations. And even now, I can't talk about adoption without getting teary. It's just so precious to me, and there's no clearer picture of God's grace: He adopted us as part of His family and gave us every right and privilege that comes with being His child and heir. How incredible! If nothing else, I know that Shawn will sense a deeper love that the Father has for us through this adoption process. I know it can be a painful, trying journey, but I also know it will be so worth it.

While we had always thought of having biological kids first, God has really put on my heart recently that if adoption is Plan A for us (just as having biological kids is also Plan A, if that's possible), then why not trust Him with the timing? I think it speaks loudly to our adopted child that we chose him/her as a first choice, and not as an afterthought.

So on the evening of my birthday, I filled out a preliminary application to an international adoption agency that we are looking into working with. We know so few details right now, but I wanted to let you know this little bit of news because I am just too excited not to! This blog may look a little different in the coming months as we share bits and piece of adoption news, but knowing you like I do, I don't think you'll mind too much.

We know this is such a giant step of faith. But we also trust that it's so close to God's heart that He will surely guide us along.

Sweet girls.

During our first year of marriage while we lived in Chicago, I got to be this little cutie's full-time nanny.

 

When we moved, my dear friend Kirra took over the job and has been with her - and now her little sister - for the last two and a half years. This little girl has grown into a big girl and I can hardly believe it.

It had been such a long time since I'd seen her, and I loved seeing her as a little person with so much personality! Interestingly enough, instead of being shy around me, she climbed into my lap and just started hugging me and saying, "I love you so much!" with a huuuuge smile on her face. Kirra said she never really acts like that, and it made us wonder, does she remember me? Is it my voice? My smell? I really think she must have... and it melted my heart. Kirra has done such an amazing job as their nanny, and it's obvious how they adore her. It's obvious, too, in how they're learning so much from her... and I know she's probably learned quite a bit from juggling two. Wow. What a sweet time!

But God.

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Over the last three years, I've struggled with the fear of flying. Really struggled. But before I get to that, I thought I'd recount a little of my flying history... the major events, at least:

The 1986 version of Whitney flew to Germany as a 6-month-old baby. She felt no fear. (Ok, ok... that doesn't count.)

2002 Whitney flew in a 5-seater Cessna through a thunderstorm from southern Texas into rural Mexico. This flight was epic. We thought it would last an hour or so, but it was double that time because of the horrible weather. I sat in the co-pilot seat, and my mom, sister, and a friend were crammed with our luggage in the back. It was a total relief once we landed, but more because we were nauseous from being thrown about in the skies than anything else.

2007 Whitney flew non-stop from Chicago to Tokyo, a very long 13 hours where we even passed over the Bering Strait. No problems on this flight at all, and it felt like quite the adventure.

2009 Whitney flew a very routine flight from Nashville to Chicago - one she had flown many times - that was very turbulent and brought about her first full-blown panic attack. You can read about that here. The pilot said we were experiencing "challenging skies," which did me in. From then on, my eyes were opened to the fear of flying. I'd never fear it before, even a little bit. I didn't even fear flying when I probably should've been afraid, like the Cessna trip into Mexico.

From April 2009 on, every flight was dreaded. Every flight was an event. On every flight, you could find me in a window seat near the front of the plane, wide eyes glued to the window at every tiny bump, tightening my seatbelt and gripping my armrests with clammy palms. It sounds pathetic, but it was reality. I usually kept my Bible open on my lap and prayed through a psalm when my heart began to race. And by the time we landed and I could finally breathe, I felt utterly drained.

I tried so many things to get over this fear.
I tried researching what turbulence really is.
I tried envisioning God carrying the plane along with his own strong hands.
I tried praying.
I still felt like a mess.

Until this week.

On Tuesday evening, I flew by myself to Chicago - and just flew back this morning. On our way to the airport, my Mom asked me to pray aloud about the flight. I prayed, just like I had for the past 3 years. But for whatever reason, God chose to make this time different. This time, I calmly boarded the plane, opened a book, and only glanced out the window a couple times.

On today's flight, the last 30 minutes were very bumpy, and you would have normally found me in a cold sweat as all I could see was the pure white cloud cover as we traversed through it. But today, those same bumps lulled me to sleep. TO SLEEP! I can't emphasize the contrast enough. To those of you who have never feared flying, this all may seem a little dramatic. But to those who have feared flying or have feared anything so deeply, you understand this experience for what it really is: a miracle.

Have you ever noticed how often in Scripture the phrase, "but God" exists? It's all over the place.

"The wicked go down to the realm of the dead... but God will never forget the needy." (Psalm 9:17-18)
"Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands." (1 Samuel 23:14)
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)
"But, because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions." (Ephesians 2:4-5)

This God of mine is a God of contrast, of redemption. He is so "other," characterized by these verses that tell us that the situation was going poorly - Saul searching to kill David, our failing flesh, being dead in our own sin - and he comes along and radically changes the whole story.

But God.

How thankful I am to have entered a new season of travel, one that I'm not sure I ever believed would come. But God surely did. Oh, how He did.

DIY kitchen towels.

Last week, my friend Kate came over and we sewed and talked. And sewed and talked. Doing anything creative is our favorite thing to do together, but it's rare that we have the time cut out for it.

Kate brought bags of kitchen towels that she had found for $1.49 per pack, unopened from Goodwill and Ross. We both agreed that while the flour sack dish towels are prettier, they're definitely not as practical (I can't figure out how they dry anything). So barmop towels it was.

While this isn't much of a DIY how-to post, what we did was cut out long strips of 3" wide fabric, hem the bottom, fold over the top, pin it to the towel in a gathered ruffle, and sew. It was a little time consuming, but not hard at all. And the results are so whimsical and fun.



Kate cut out enough strips of fabric for about 10 more different towels, but we'll get to those next visit. For now, I'm excited to use my new (and really cheap) kitchen towels!